Languages, colors, cultures and also the way
one behaves may differ from one nation to another. Yet, each and every one of
us living on the surface of this planet have several things in common. One of
these similarities is that we all have a way of regarding our own self. It is
believed that a large amount of individuals feel very good about themselves.
Nevertheless, from time to time even the best of us get a dose of negative
emotions. Very heartbreaking stories about self dislike were told by many depressed
teenagers and older people. What are the causes of this kind of low self esteem
and how can one person get solutions to outcome them?
Self Esteem is defined as confidence in your own merit as an individual#. Such
concepts as self-esteem and self-image have been regarded by some social
psychologists as useful, while others have regarded them as unnecessary. There
is a considerable amount of research on such topics but it would be very
difficult to find the exact definition because volumes have been written about
self esteem. Definitions given in self esteem literature run a yard long. But
after cutting through all the scientific words, the question of self-esteem
really centers down to something quite simple: How do a person feels about
his/herself? If the person feels good about him/herself, they have a high
self-esteem. If they feel bad about him/herself, they have a low self esteem.
Since low self esteem is a worst problem than the higher one, let’s examine it
to find some solution by investigating a number of low self esteem causes and
personal cases.
Individuals with truly high self esteem feel good about themselves and continue
believing in themselves regardless of what others think of them. Some people
feel good about themselves only as long as others support them and approve
them. The moment another person criticizes them, or withdraws her or his
support from them, they not only feel bad about themselves, they may even hate
themselves. That would be the first step into low self-esteem.
When a person acts like that, life can be hurtful for most of the time and they
might find themselves at the mercy of others. When these kind of persons don\'t
have the emotional freedom and independence from the criticism and approval of
others, their choice of action is limited. There may be options far superior
and promising but they may be too apprehensive to choose them because they
primarily depend too much on other people\'s immediate approval. Thinking that
it would be impossible for them to do things right they end-up being incapable
to do things accurately.
People who are unsure of themselves have trouble sustaining their relationships
because their feelings get easily hurt. They are too quick to read insult and
ridicule in the innocent remarks of others. Since they feel insulted, hurt,
embarrassed, and ashamed without due cause, their reactions baffle and pushes
others away. “They ride an emotional roller coaster and some of them resort to
alcohol and drugs.”# This problem occurs most likely among teenagers or older
young people. This is due because of the limitations that might frustrate them.
They are growing up, and often there is a period of awkwardness in which
dropping things or bumping into them is a daily embarrassment. Then, too, they
simply don’t have an adult’s experience in bouncing back from disappointments.
And because their “perceptive powers” haven’t been sufficiently trained
“through use”, they may not always make the wisest decisions.# At times they
may feel that they can’t do anything right.
Failure to meet one’s parents’ expectations can be another cause of low
self-esteem. “ If I make an ‘A minus’ in school,” one youth says, “my folks
want to know why it wasn’t an ‘A’ and forget about appreciating my hard work.
After that they even start comparing me unfairly with my older brother.” Such
kind of unjust comparisons are a good reason for a teenager to develop a low
self-esteem. At this level a youth should try to develop a better self-respect.
But how is this possible?
First, teens should take an honest look at their assets and liabilities. This
should also include an investigation about their selfishness and the way they
look at minor people. After trying to overcome these problems, self-respect
will surely start to grow. A second step toward self respect is to set goals
such as trying learn any kind of musical instrument or another specific skill.
A teenager can also dedicate him/herself to do good and serious work. This can
include work that we do just to help others without expecting any reward.
Picking respectful friends can also play an important role on our own respect.
These steps will surely increase our self-esteem but there also are some
actions that have to be avoided. One of them can be “developing a false front
or facade with which to face the world” or even becoming a boaster#.
Depression, another “close relative” of low self esteem, has a major role.
Melanie had always lived up to her mother’s ideal perfect child until she
turned 17. Then she withdrew from school activities, stopped accepting
invitations to parties, and didn’t even seem to care when her grades dropped
from A’s to C’s. When her parents gently inquired what was wrong, she stormed
away saying, “leave me alone! there’s nothing wrong.”
Mark, at 14 was impulsive and hostile, with an explosive temper. At school he
was fidgety and disruptive. When frustrated or angry, he would race across the
dessert on a motorcycle or shoot down steep hills on his skateboard.#
Melanie and Mark both suffered forms of the same malady: depression. Dr. Donald
McKnew of the National Institute of Mental Health says that 10 to 15 percent of
schoolchildren may suffer mood disorders. A smaller number suffer from severe
depression. At times there is a biologic basis for the problem. Some infections
or endocrine-system diseases, the hormonal shifts of the menstrual cycle,
hypoglycemia, certain meditations, exposure to toxic metals or chemicals,
allergic reactions, unbalanced diet and anemia can trigger depression.#
Only in the past two decades has depression in teens been taken very seriously.
The depressed teenager may pretend to be sick, refuse to go to school, cling to
a parent, or worry that the parent may die. Older teens may sulk, get into
trouble at school, be negative, grouchy, and feel misunderstood. Because normal
behaviors vary from one childhood stage to another, it can be difficult to tell
whether a child is just going through a temporary \"phase\" or is
suffering from depression. Sometimes the parents become worried about how the
child\'s behavior has changed, or a teacher mentions that \"your child
doesn\'t seem to be himself.\" In such a case, the doctor will probably
suggest that the child be evaluated, preferably by a psychiatrist who
specializes in the treatment of children. If treatment is needed, the doctor
may suggest that another therapist, usually a social worker or a psychologist,
provide therapy while the psychiatrist will oversee medication if it is needed.
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) has identified the use of
medications for depression in children as an important area for research. The
NIMH-supported Research Units on Pediatric Psychopharmacology (RUPPs) form a
network of seven research sites where clinical studies on the effects of
medications for mental disorders can be conducted in children and adolescents.
Among the medications being studied are antidepressants, some of which have
been found to be effective in treating children with depression, and also teens
with a high probability of having a low self esteem.
Among the many stressful experiences of living, we may be faced with
extraordinary circumstances that leave us feeling terrified, powerless, and/or
horrified in the face of threatened or actual injury or death. Examples of
traumatic events include: natural disaster, catastrophe caused by human error,
catastrophe caused by failed equipment ,physical or sexual assault; rape
robbery/mugging etc...
\'Three months after our car smashup, I still couldn\'t stop crying, or sleep
through the night. Just leaving the house was terrifying.\'-Louise.
LOUISE suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a debilitating
malady characterized by recurring and intrusive recollections or dreams of a
traumatic event. The person with PTSD may also have an exaggerated startle
response. For example, mental-health expert Michael Davis tells of one Vietnam
veteran who on the day of his wedding dived into the bushes at the sound of a
car backfiring. \"There should have been all kinds of signals in the environment
that told him everything was okay,\" says Davis. \"It was 25 years
later; he was in the United States, not Vietnam; . . . he was wearing a white
tuxedo, not battle fatigues. But when that primordial stimulus came through, he
ran for cover.\"
Battlefield trauma is just one cause of PTSD. According to The Harvard Mental
Health Letter, the disorder can result from any \"event or series of
events that involves actual or threatened death or serious injury or a threat
to physical integrity. It might be a natural disaster, accident, or human
action: flood, fire, earthquake, car crash, bombing, shooting, remember that
recovery requires patience. For Louise, quoted at the outset, five months
elapsed before she could once again get behind the steering wheel of a car.
\"Despite the strides I\'ve made,\" she stated four years after the
accident, \"driving will never be the pleasant experience it once was for
me. It\'s something I must do, so I do it. But I\'ve come a long way since the
helpless time following the accident.\"
All these factors are helpful for a low self esteemed person. One more thing we
should be aware of is loneliness. This feeling can develop low self esteem and
lead to committing suicide. this fact doesn’t only touch youth.
JOHN AND MARY# are in their late 50\'s and live in the rural United States in a
small house. John is slowly dying of emphysema and congestive heart failure.
Mary simply cannot imagine life without John, and she cannot stand the pain of
seeing him fade away, one gasping breath at a time. Mary has health problems of
her own and has suffered for years from depression. John has been alarmed
lately because Mary has been talking about suicide. Her thinking is
increasingly confused because of the depression and all the medication she
takes. She says that she cannot bear the thought of being alone.
The house is full of medicine—heart pills, antidepressants, tranquillizers. In
the early hours one morning, Mary goes into the kitchen and just starts taking
pills. She doesn\'t stop until John finds her and takes the pills from her. He
calls the rescue squad as she slips into a coma. He prays it is not too late.
Much has been written in recent years about increasing numbers of suicides
among the young—and rightly so, for what greater tragedy is there than the
needless death of a young person, full of life and promise? Yet, overlooked in
the headlines is the fact that the suicide rate in most countries rises
steadily with age. This is true whether the overall suicide rate in a given country
is high or low, as the box on the preceding page shows. A glance at those
statistics also reveals the global nature of this hidden epidemic.
In 1996 the U.S. Centers for Disease Control reported that the number of
suicides among Americans aged 65 and older had jumped by 36 percent since 1980.
Some of this increase was due to the greater numbers of elderly Americans—but
not all of it. In 1996 the actual rate of suicide among those over 65 also went
up, by 9 percent, for the first time in 40 years. Of injury-related deaths,
only falls and motor-vehicle crashes killed more elderly Americans. Actually,
even these alarming figures may be too low. \"Suicide is suspected of
being grossly understated in the statistics based on cause-of-death certification,\"
observes A Handbook for the Study of Suicide. The book adds that some estimate
the actual figures to be twice as high as the reported statistics.
As a result the United States, like many other countries, is suffering from the
hidden global epidemic of senior-citizen suicide due most of the time
loneliness and low self esteem. Dr. Herbert Hendin, an expert on the subject,
notes: \"Despite the fact that the suicide rate in the United States rises
consistently and markedly with age, suicide among older people has received
little public attention.\"# Why is that? He suggests that part of the
problem is that since the suicide rate for older people has always been high,
\"it has not created the sudden alarm accompanying the dramatic increase
in youthful suicide.\"
These statistics, although shocking, are just cold numbers. They cannot convey
the loneliness of life without a cherished mate, the frustration of lost
independence, the despair of a lingering disease, the emptiness of chronic
depression, the hopelessness of a fatal illness. The sad truth is that while
young people may attempt suicide as a reckless reaction to temporary problems,
older people are usually faced with problems that seem to be permanent and
unsolvable. As a result, they often approach suicide more determinedly than the
young and carry it out with a terrible efficiency.
\"Not only is suicide significantly more prevalent among older persons,
but the suicidal act itself reflects important differences between old and
young,\" notes Dr. Hendin, in his book Suicide in America. \"In
particular, the ratio of attempted to actual suicides shifts quite markedly
among older persons. Among the population as a whole, the ratio of attempted
suicides to actual suicides has been estimated to be 10 to 1; among the young
(15-24), it has been estimated to be 100 to 1; and among those over 55, it has
been estimated to be 1 to 1.\"
Self dislike, depression loneliness and suicide have a very great role in one
person’s self esteem. Although the above statistics made it seem to be
impossible to overcome these feelings, the research hopefully gave us all the
possible ways that we can be victorious and set ourselves free from this
psychological slavery.