Freud was particularly interested in the psychoanalytic school of thought
and the founder of psychoanalysis. He believed that our unconscious minds are
responsible for many of our behaviors. According to Freud, he thought that
there was a significant relationship between slips of the tongue and what we
are actually thinking. Today these are called Freudian slips. Similarly he
believed that we get information, like our fears and wishes, out by just merely
saying what comes to mind. He was able to tell a lot about people, including
their past experiences, how they were feeling, and what they wished and feared,
just by simply encouraging them to speak whatever came to mind.
In sitting down and tape recording myself speaking about anything that came to
mind, a lot of unconscious thoughts about myself were revealed. I noticed
myself speaking of things that I normally wouldn’t have. For instance, I spoke
of God, death, and negative things about my friends. I also said a lot of stuff
that really made no sense at all. An exact piece of what I recorded myself
saying was, “I don’t care. That’s just the way I am. I don’t give a shit. It’s
like… I don’t know. Die. Maybe God will. Yeah… maybe. Ha. Butterflies. Stand on
walls, do that dance. Yeah… Buddy’s cool. Stop. No. Eva. Duh. She’s… so fucking
stupid. Ugh. Drink. Yeah right. Who cares? It’s little.”
I have to admit. Those were some pretty strange lines I was saying on that tape
recorder. Some of which I might indeed know where they came from. Let’s begin
at the start of the tape when I began with, “I don’t care. That’s just the way
I am. I don’t give a shit.” This attitude of mine occurs quite frequent. If I
were Freud, I would probably interpret this as to how I really feel about
things. I in fact do have an “I don’t care” attitude more times than none, but
I didn’t realize the severity of it till I heard this tape of myself. Aside
from my schoolwork, rarely do I care about much. I never care about what people
think of me or what other people do.
In the next segment, I said, “It’s like… I don’t know. Die. Maybe God will.
Yeah… maybe.” I think here Freud would suggest that I was feeling lost and
helpless and wishing for either an easy way out or help. This is very true.
Many times I’ve thought that dying would help to solve all my problems and make
things all better. Shortly after, I realized that it wouldn’t. Things would
actually get worse. If I were to ever commit suicide, it would be against God’s
will and He will instantly reincarnate me into a newborn, who later in life
will have to deal with the exact same problem which I ran away from earlier in
the previous life.
The next segment included, “Ha. Butterflies. Stand on walls, do that dance.
Yeah… Buddy’s cool.” This was to me very jumbled. In this piece, I would have
to say that Freud would say that unconsciously, there was a link between a
butterfly and me. To my knowledge, I cannot recollect where I would have a tie
with butterflies. The part about standing on walls and doing that dance, I
would say had something to do with my dream of being a dancer and a stuntwoman.
All my life I dreamed of doing these things,
but I was never the right size. I was always too heavy and overweight to do
many of the things I dreamed of doing.
In the last part, I said, “Yeah… Buddy’s cool. Stop. No. Eva. Duh. She’s… so
fucking stupid. Ugh. Drink. Yeah right. Who cares? It’s little.” Buddy is my
cat. He is like a baby to me and I’m like his mother. Eva is a friend of mine.
She is a bit ditzy and does not have direction in her life. All she ever wants
to do is smoke, drink, do drugs, and go clubbing. The part about Eva being
stupid, I think Freud would explain that as how I really do feel about her.
Although she is my friend, I never realized that the reason for me always being
so sarcastic to her is because I couldn’t stand the fact that she is so
irresponsible and uneducated.
In doing this little project, I learned to interpret my subconscious behaviors
into meaningful thoughts. Although they may have sounded dumb and ludicrous, I
have realized that there really is meaning behind them. Had I done this prior
to studying Freud, I would never have been able to understand the fact that we
actually do think when we aren’t even aware of it, and that there actually is
meaning to our unconscious thoughts.