The Effects of Divorce on Children
The statistics for divorce in the 1990's suggest that nearly sixty percent
of marriages end in divorce. Given this startling figure, the presumption can
be made that many children will experience some effects caused by the
life-changing event called divorce. What is it exactly about divorce that
causes negative consequences for these children? In what ways will these
children be effected? Will these effects show outwardly? The unsettling fact
is: young children of divorced parents face great psychological challenges due
to the environmental conditions and changes associated with divorce (Wolchik
and Karoly 45). When we pass the year 2000, we will see two groups of working
age adults emerging. One group will have received psychological, social,
economic, educational and moral benefits and the other group will have been
denied them all. The first group will have grown up with both parents present
in the house and the second group will have not had both parents present.
Parental conflict appears to have a pronounced effect on the coping efforts of
children. The intense anxiety and anger between some parents in the early
stages of divorce is real. Often times parents allow their children to get in
the middle of fierce verbal fighting between them. Berating the other parent in
front of the child is another way of placing the child in an unfair position,
which in essence is expecting the child to choose between the parents. Any form
of parental conflict, no matter to what degree, lends to a difficult adjustment
period for children involved. (Jekielek 1-3).
The deterioration in parent-child relationships after divorce is another
leading cause in psychological problems for children. With a divorce comes a
parenting plan of some kind. A child may experience shared custody between both
parents or custody by one parent with visitation by the other parent.
Variations of these plans can be included or added at different times in the
child's life depending on special circumstances. More often than not, the
mother is awarded custody of the children. The absence of the father on a full
time level is detrimental to the healthy development of the children. In the
case that the father is awarded custody of the children, the opposite applies as
well. Studies have shown that a decay in custodial parent-child relationships
may frequently occur in the first year or two following divorce (Wolchik and
Karoly 56-59).
Constant confusion and inconsistent parenting are supplying factors to the
adaptation of children. Consistency is the key to helping children adapt
quickly with as few psychologically traumatic scars as possible. The
consistency should be practiced in every aspect of the child's life including:
eating and drinking adult foods, potty training, sleeping in their own bed,
discipline, "house rules" showing respect towards others, sharing,
and routines wake up and bed times, meal times, play times. Because parents may
have different ideas of what consistency means and how children should be raised,
it is often a difficult task for the parent to help encourage positive and
progressive development for the children.
The relationship between divorce and a drop in standards of living for
female-headed families has been documented in several studies. The connection
between divorce and financial difficulties in these households may negatively
impact children's adjustment periods. Felner and Terre (1987) conclude,
"Economic deprivation accompanying divorce may influence the child's
adjustment not only directly, by decreasing the level of
material resources available to the child, but also less directly by leading
to additional alterations such as [in] mother-child interaction patterns,
daily routines, or the quality and/or location of the child's domicile or
through contributing to the stress experienced by the custodial parent"
If divorce is so painful, why do some children flourish academically? Why do
others carry on as if nothing has happened? "The reactions a child
exhibits will depend on the nature of the child (ego strength and capacity to
mobilize resources), as well as his or her age and the relationship of the
parents and child before, during, and after the divorce. Some of the initial
reactions to divorce are similar to the reactions to the death of a loved
one." It can be expected that a child going through such a traumatic event
as divorce will experience a wide range of emotions: sadness or depression,
denial, embarrassment, anger, guilt, concern about being cared for, regression,
maturity, and physical symptoms (Diamond 22-28).
Listed by age group are some of the more common post-divorce symptoms
experienced by children. Preschool children are more likely to blame themselves
and to experience nightmares, enuresis, and eating disturbances. Early-school
age children have academic problems, withdrawal and depression. Older school
age children are more likely to blame one parent for the divorce and feel
intense anger at one or both parents. Adolescents experience the most intense
anger and also exhibit problems with developmental issues of independence and
interpersonal relationships. (Wolchik and Karoly 235-236).
Interview of : Michael, age ten
"My parents aren't actually divorced yet. But they're getting one soon.
When I was five, he moved to Boston, and that hurt my feelings because I
realized he was really leaving and I wouldn't be able to see him every day. My
father drives big machines, and when he lived with us, I used to go to his job
every day and watch him working on trucks. I had my own goggles and tools, and
we would spend many hours together. I remember when I first heard the bad news
that he was moving away, because I almost flipped my lid. My father said he
would be divorcingmy Mom but that he wouldn't be divorcing me and we'd still
see each other a lot-but not as often. I started crying then and there, and
ever since then I've been hoping every single second that he'd move back home
and we'd all live together again. I don't cry much anymore because I hold it
back, but I feel sad all the same.
I get to visit my father quite often. And Shadow. He's my dog. Whenever I talk
with Daddy on the phone I can hear Shadow barking in the background. The
hardest thing for me about visiting my father is when I have to leave, and that
makes me feel bad-and mad-inside. I still wish I could see him every day like I
did when I was little. It's hard to live with just one person, because you
don't have enough company, though my Mom has a great baby-sitter and that helps
a little. You (Megan) are like my sister, and it's comforting for me to have
someone besides Ed around to do stuff with-like takes me for rides on your bike
and we play baseball together. We can do a lot more daredevil activities than I
could ever do with my Mom.
I hope my Mom never gets remarried because I just wouldn't like anybody else to
try and take the place of my Dad. But sometimes when she's dating one man a lot
and he's nice to me, I can't help wishing he was my Dad. I told her that if she
did ever want a husband, I have a list of choices and it would be nice if she
could pick someone who could help me play with my computer. I wouldn't mind if
my Dad got remarried because maybe they'd have another kid and to tell you the
truth I would really like to have a younger brother. But I wouldn't want my Mom
to have a baby because it would live with us and then I'd have to share all my
stuff. Still, what I really really want, deep down, is that my Dad doesn't get
remarried and my Mom doesn't, either. What I'm just hoping and hoping more than
anything is that they'll get back together again"
Works Cited
Diamond, Susan. Helping Children of Divorce.
Furstenberg, Frank F. "Children and family change: Discourse between
social
scientists and the media."
Jekielek, Susan M. "Parental conflict, marital disruption and children's
emotional well-being."
Krementz, Jill. "How It Feels When Parents Divorce."
Wolchik, Sharlene A., and Paul Karoly "Children of Divorce Empirical
Perspectives on Adjustment."