Date rape is not a rare incident that only happens in isolated situations.
In fact, surveys indicate that in 84% of rape cases, the victim knew the
attacker, and 57% of rapes occurred on dates (Warshaw 11). However, what is
even more surprising than these high statistics is that most incidents of date
rape go unreported. Several theories exist that try to explain this phenomenon.
For example, many women may refuse to believe that their “friend” raped them.
In fact, they could eventually convince themselves that it never happened.
Additionally, there is confusion following the attack in which memory and
emotions become mixed up. When alcohol or drugs are involved, the women may
have no memory of the attack whatsoever. Even if the victim does remember the
attack, they could be left with a sense that they let themselves be taken
advantage of. In cases such as this, the victim may blame them self instead of
the attacker.
The shame involved in either being battered by or hurting someone we care for
makes it hard to tell anyone, even those closest to us. People in abusive
relationships often work hard at making it seem as if nothing is wrong. They
try to convince themselves and others that “it’s not really that bad,” or that
“it doesn’t happen all the time.” (Hicks 18)
Additionally, societal perceptions dictate that a woman should know how to set
limits, and that they are responsible for their own actions.
Many women, thinking back on their sexual experiences, will respond
affirmatively when asked the question “Have you ever had sex with a man when
you didn’t want to, because he used physical force against you?” but at the
same time offer a firm “no” when asked “Have you ever been raped?” (Bender
10-11)
While victims of date rape rarely report the crime, the psychological effects
are just as bad as if a stranger raped them. Since fewer women seek counseling
or treatment for date rape than for rape by a stranger, the effects can be even
more severe. In recent years, public attention has been drawn to the prevalence
of date rape through the media and researchers. However, many believe that date
rape is still the most widely underreported crime. (Warshaw 11-14)
Date rape has existed for as long as recorded history. In fact a date rape is
described in the Old Testament (2 Sam. 13: 1-15) committed by Amnon, son of
Kind David. Despite its long history, public awareness and attention has not
been drawn to the issue until recently. The term “date rape” was first used in
a September 1982 article in Ms. Magazine. In the past, legislation and public
views were very different than they are today. Most laws defined rape as
unwanted vaginal intercourse committed by a man. In recent years, this
definition has been broadened to include oral and anal sex, and include
non-gender specific words. While rape of men is more rare and almost entirely
unreported, it does exist and typically happens between two men. While public
perceptions of date rape have changed drastically, there are still people today
who deny its existence.
Date rape is 20-20 hindsight fiction, invented by easy sluts posing as
hard-to-get and “virtuous.” Any girl whose vocal chords are intact can scream
her head off while kicking, scratching, squirming, and seeking a way to escape.
Before you believe her claim of date rape, ask if all four of her limbs were
immobilized, her mouth gagged and her hips held in a vise-like grip? (Bender
11)
Fortunately, as media attention continues, most people have begun to
acknowledge the prevalence of date rape and its traumatic effects. (Bender
9-13)
As date rape becomes more widely known, researchers have tried to analyze why
men commit date rape and what the motives are behind their actions. One common
theory states that the inclination to rape is an evolutionary trait. While men
have a greater desire to mate than females, females select their mates more
carefully. The males with the best traits are then allowed to mate and pass on
those traits. Males who are not chosen by a female are then more inclined to
rape. This is essentially an adaptation that allows a male to increase his
reproductive success.
The primary adaptations responsible for the occurrence of rape were the
mechanisms involved in the human male’s greater visual sexual arousal, greater
autonomous sex drive, reduced ability to abstain from sexual activity, much
greater desire for sexual variety per se, greater willingness to engage in
impersonal sex, and less discriminating criteria for sexual partners.
(Thornhill 62)
One piece of evidence that supports this is that the vast majority of rape
victims are of a fertile age. Using this theory, one must conclude that a male
would only rape if the benefits (producing an offspring) outweighed the costs
(risk of getting caught and punished). Many researchers believe that men have a
psychological mechanism to evaluate the vulnerability of women. This device
would help a man decide when, where, and how to rape without suffering
consequences. For example, a man with no intention of committing date rape may
proceed with the act if the opportunity presented itself and he felt he could
get away with it. Situations like this commonly lead to date rape. For example,
a male who finds himself alone with his date in an isolated spot would be more
inclined to rape. Another theory states that men with a lack of resources are
more inclined to rape. Since females select a mate based partially on
resources, the male with low socioeconomic standing would have little chance of
being selected. Therefore he is more inclined to mate without being chosen, or
in other words, rape. Another possible motive for date rape is psychopathy,
which is a desire to exploit others and commit violent acts. Psychopathy is
seen in three percent of men, but it is unknown how often this lead to
committing any type of rape. It is believed that men commit date rape for any
number of the above reasons, and in most cases it is a combination of these
reasons. Further research into why men commit date rape may be helpful in
preventing it in the future. (Thornhill 53-82)
Being raped by an acquaintance is a very traumatic experience and has very
negative psychological and physical effects on the victim. Almost all victims
feel some sort of psychological pain or anguish in addition to any physical
pain from the attack. The effects of a date rape can last for years and
treatment is usually required for psychological and physical damage that is
caused. Following a date rape, the victim must take in what happened, accept
it, and readjust. In the days following the rape, the victim enters what is
known as the acute or crisis phase. In this phase the victim struggles with the
fact that they have been raped, and begins to accept it. Their feelings of
anger may turn immediately toward the rapist, or they may become angry with
themselves. They may begin to question how they could have let it happen and
blame themselves. Still others seem to turn off any emotions they are
experiencing, and hold them all on the inside.
It’s important to see this calm or carefree behavior as a woman’s way of dealing
with a terrible experience, not as a sign that the experience wasn’t so bad or
even that the woman welcomed the rape. Generally, rape survivors report feeling
powerless, shock, guilt, depression, anxiety, shame, embarrassment, and
disbelief during this phase. However, they may have great difficulty getting in
touch with these feelings or expressing them to others. (Mufson 105)
Next, the victim enters what is known as the disorientation phase. During this
phase the victim is unsure of how to act, and may lose touch with her
surroundings. The victim may avoid meeting people, leaving home, going outside,
dating, and anything else that could trigger a memory of the event. Finally,
the victim enters the reorientation phase where she deals with the rape and accepts
it as part of her life. Although date rape victims report that the experience
never completely leaves them, most women can live healthy lives with the help
of good counseling and support. In addition to psychological effects of date
rape, there are possible physical problems that necessitate medical attention.
When a rape victim receives medical attention, the doctor will typically check
for tears in the vaginal lining, any injuries received during the attack,
pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases. A morning after pill can be taken
with 72 hours of the rape to terminate any possible pregnancy. Tests for
sexually transmitted diseases take much longer to be conclusive. For example,
symptoms of gonorrhea or syphilis do not show up for weeks, and a person
infected with HIV may not exhibit symptoms for years. Clearly, the effects of
date rape are very severe and long lasting. (Mufson 101-110)
To better understand date rapists and their motives, researchers have created
several profiles that outline common personality types. The first type of
rapist is known as the “Gentleman Rapist”. This name is used because after the
rape, the “Gentleman Rapist” will offer to walk or drive the victim home, call
her again the next day for another date, and essentially act as if nothing
wrong has occurred. He will be shocked if he is ever accused of rape. The
“Gentleman Rapist” is less confident of himself and has usually been planning
to have sex with his date. When he is unable to have consensual sex, the
“Gentleman Rapist” will use the threat of violence to get what he wants. Rarely
will he actually injure the victim or use a real weapon. The motive is to be
reassured of his power. Seventy percent of rape cases involve this type of
rapist. A “Gentleman Rapist” is also the most likely to get away with his crime
and commit it again. The second type of rapist is known as the “Control Freak”.
This type of rapist accounts for 25% of rape cases. A “Control Freak” is more
violent than the “Gentleman Rapist” and will sometimes use a weapon. In
general, he does not care about his victim, and enjoys having complete control
over them. The “Control Freak” insists on having things done his way and may
have sudden personality changes that escalate into violence. The third type of
rapist is known as the “Revenge Rapist”, which account for only 4% of rape
cases. This type of rapist is filled with anger and hatred, usually for a
particular woman. An event such as an affair or cheating can lead to this
anger. The rape is a way of retaliating against the woman he hates, and the
“Revenge Rapist” will often take some sort of “trophy” from his victim.
Although the “Revenge Rapist” does not necessarily intend to kill his victim,
he often does. The last type of rapist is known as the “Sexual Sadist”. This is
the least common type of rapist and accounts for only 1% of rape cases. As the
name implies, a “Sexual Sadist” feels excitement from the thrill of his crime.
Usually the victim is someone he has met very recently. He will plan
extensively for his crime and always intends to kill his victim. The “Sexual
Sadist” is the most dangerous while the “Gentleman Rapist” has the least
potential for harm.
Your response needs to take into consideration the personality type of the
perpetrator. We have been conditioned by the media to think of rapists and
other violent criminals as twisted, evil degenerates who are always repulsive
and obnoxious…Reality Check: Most rapists are white and choose victims within
their own race who live and work near their own home. Most rapists are not
lower class working people but middle-class, educated men. (Lindquist 51-52)
All the rapists described have different motives and there are different ways
of dealing with each. Knowing the way a rapist thinks can help prevent an
attack. (Lindquist 51-58)
The prevalence of date rape and acquaintance rape is just starting to become
well known in the public. Each year, new studies are released with knew survey
results and information about date rape trends. Many believe that dating games
and rituals are to blame, and that society promotes dangerous ideas about
dating. Mixed messages, poor communication, and failure to set clear limits in
a relationship are also factors that can lead to date rape. Finally, it is
impossible to ignore the role alcohol and drugs play in so many cases of date
rape. In Warshaw’s book “I Never Called It Rape”, she argues that the best way
to prevent date rape is education and open discussion.
Educators choose to ignore the reality that acquaintance rape happens in junior
highs, senior highs, and colleges across the country. Moreover, some school
officials find it easier to punt the problem back to uninformed parents rather
than risk calling attention to a possible negative situation in their own
institutions. (Warshaw 169)
Often, parents are reluctant to consider that their “perfect” child could
commit date rape or could put themself in a position to be date raped. However,
if these attitudes are changed and teachers and parents begin to educate young
people about date rape, the prevalence of date rape will begin to drop
drastically.
Works Cited
Bender, David Date Rape San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 1998
Hicks, John Dating Violence Brookfield: Millbrook Press, 1996
Lindquist, Scott The Date Rape Prevention Book Naperville: Sourcebooks, 2000
Mufson, Susan Straight Talk About Date Rape New York: Facts On File, 1993
Parrot, Andrea Date Rape & Acquaintance Rape New York: Rosen Publishing
Group,
1988
Thornhill, Randy A Natural History of Rape Cambridge: MIT Press, 2000
Warshaw, Robin I Never Called It Rape New York: Harper & Row, 1988